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Feb. 15th, 2009
Let me down slow and easy
Feb. 15th, 2009 09:13 pmI got into a story today. Was very nice, well written. I was glued to the computer, needing to find out what happened next. In the end, the main couple died. Their demons got the better of them. I feel so gutted, I so wanted them to pull through and it seems like they were going to up until the end. It never amazes me how a good author can pull you in like that; bring you right into another world and get you so caught up in it and care for these characters that aren't even real.
I miss writing, I wish I had more time for it. Find I rarely have time to do the basics of stuff online, I've been so negligent with doing anything but business stuff lately. I'm still itching to get back and finish Noreen, plus I've got the Cruise ship story going, not to mention the other three or four that are floating around my head.
Pete's... not doing well. He's having to undergo a whole lifestyle change and it's hard breaking old habits. Paul's in Germany, Phil's no help, I just don't know what else I can do. Same with Jim. He called the other day while I was at work. I came home and William said that 'Your boyfriend called' - never a good thing. He doesn't even remember the last time he was here, he was so trashed. I'm starting to wonder if Jim even knows who I am, I don't think I've not seen him plastered but that one morning. Really hate seeing the people I love self destruct. In the end we'd thought we'd do another show, and write another song I've had my head twisted around like that in the past too, which only makes it harder for me. I can see both sides of it. Even 18 years later, seeing the damage and knowing what being so selfish can do to those around you, how deep the scars run... Pete's a different issue, but Jim is so fucking close to SC it's unbelievable. He should be out there, touring Europe, writing songs, instead he's got two beat up git's and is wasting away. With someone every bit as bad as Janie. He's back with Sue. It's horrible. She could be a really nice girl, but her addictions are just as bad as his are, if not worse. I want to like her, but I can't condone what she does to Jim or herself. She got two kids she needs to be there for, not holed up in the bottom of a vodka bottle.
Paul had better answer his voice mail tomorrow. I'm not crazy enough to call him at four in the morning his time with my stupid shit, but I'm so worried about Pete. He's not eating right, not getting any exercise. There's this visiting nurse that sees him every other day or so, but I fear he's going to end up hiding on his couch again like he did in Columbus. As bad as she was at least Joanna was someone with him. If only he could find it in himself to change, really want to change. I don't know if he's that strong. Stumps just has cut that bit right out of his memory, I think it's the only way he can deal with it. Pod talks in riddles. It made sense at the time but now I'm just confused as hell. I don't know who else to talk to. I know everyone's lost people, but to watch them on the slow slide into death.
Jan. My god, Billy's been there. Fuck, if he's still in Texas it's not even that late there yet. Nile will know where he is.
I miss writing, I wish I had more time for it. Find I rarely have time to do the basics of stuff online, I've been so negligent with doing anything but business stuff lately. I'm still itching to get back and finish Noreen, plus I've got the Cruise ship story going, not to mention the other three or four that are floating around my head.
Pete's... not doing well. He's having to undergo a whole lifestyle change and it's hard breaking old habits. Paul's in Germany, Phil's no help, I just don't know what else I can do. Same with Jim. He called the other day while I was at work. I came home and William said that 'Your boyfriend called' - never a good thing. He doesn't even remember the last time he was here, he was so trashed. I'm starting to wonder if Jim even knows who I am, I don't think I've not seen him plastered but that one morning. Really hate seeing the people I love self destruct. In the end we'd thought we'd do another show, and write another song I've had my head twisted around like that in the past too, which only makes it harder for me. I can see both sides of it. Even 18 years later, seeing the damage and knowing what being so selfish can do to those around you, how deep the scars run... Pete's a different issue, but Jim is so fucking close to SC it's unbelievable. He should be out there, touring Europe, writing songs, instead he's got two beat up git's and is wasting away. With someone every bit as bad as Janie. He's back with Sue. It's horrible. She could be a really nice girl, but her addictions are just as bad as his are, if not worse. I want to like her, but I can't condone what she does to Jim or herself. She got two kids she needs to be there for, not holed up in the bottom of a vodka bottle.
Paul had better answer his voice mail tomorrow. I'm not crazy enough to call him at four in the morning his time with my stupid shit, but I'm so worried about Pete. He's not eating right, not getting any exercise. There's this visiting nurse that sees him every other day or so, but I fear he's going to end up hiding on his couch again like he did in Columbus. As bad as she was at least Joanna was someone with him. If only he could find it in himself to change, really want to change. I don't know if he's that strong. Stumps just has cut that bit right out of his memory, I think it's the only way he can deal with it. Pod talks in riddles. It made sense at the time but now I'm just confused as hell. I don't know who else to talk to. I know everyone's lost people, but to watch them on the slow slide into death.
Jan. My god, Billy's been there. Fuck, if he's still in Texas it's not even that late there yet. Nile will know where he is.
