Downswing

Was depressed for what was my weekend. Felt like one of J's downswings which were hard enough to handle when he was actually alive. Didn't know that continued on past whatever physical problem caused it in his brain. He was one of the first people I ever knew on antidepressants and they weren't good back in the day. Still aren't good now really, it's a drug and hope approach which is anything but scientific. Especially when the medical care of the area is limited to non-existent. He used to bitch all the time about the lack of doctors where he lived and it probably contributed to his death. No one cares about rural people and places. They're afterthoughts while driving on to Lexington or Nashville or hell, there is no other city around. His arm looked so nasty with the graft. People here have dialysis for years and their grafts don't look like that. One more thing to be mad about for the rest of my life.