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The newest consensus is that you're supposed to talk to the suicidal. Get them talking and listen and sympathize with them. Talking isn't linked to raising the attempt rate on people who are already suicidal. But does it really? I'm not actively suicidal but there's not a category for 'pre-suicidal'. All talking has done has been to help me clarify my plans and strengthen my resolve. I'm not going through shitty hospice like everyone else with strangers wiping my butt and drooling on myself. I'm not going to be bedridden for weeks or months as things shut down and stop working. I don't want to lose my mind either. Not worse than what I've already got. No lack of enjoyment or encephalopathy. If I can't see a beer and recognize it and enjoy drinking I just want to go.
This random falling asleep thing is really getting to me. Silver says she can feel her seizures coming on so maybe I'm not having seizures. I don't feel a thing. One moment I'm awake and doing something and the next I know I'm being woken up by someone. Or falling out of the chair. I'm going straight from awake *bang* into a dream. No sleepy time wind down or light slumbers just immediately into some random dream. I like using a screwdriver apparently or I keep trying to do something to the waistband of my trousers. Not sure what that's about.
The line between worth living and too late can't even kill yourself now is much harder to figure out than I'd thought. Going to see Jaffri and one of the palliative care docs on Monday. Will stick around for that and see what they say.
This random falling asleep thing is really getting to me. Silver says she can feel her seizures coming on so maybe I'm not having seizures. I don't feel a thing. One moment I'm awake and doing something and the next I know I'm being woken up by someone. Or falling out of the chair. I'm going straight from awake *bang* into a dream. No sleepy time wind down or light slumbers just immediately into some random dream. I like using a screwdriver apparently or I keep trying to do something to the waistband of my trousers. Not sure what that's about.
The line between worth living and too late can't even kill yourself now is much harder to figure out than I'd thought. Going to see Jaffri and one of the palliative care docs on Monday. Will stick around for that and see what they say.
